Reviewing this enthralling book by John and Stasi Eldrgedge, I find it almost impossible to capture the essence of their message to both men and women as simply and surprisingly articulated in Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul. As usual, I approached the book tentatively, o gee, another book telling me how to be a cheesy Christian woman and how to set my priorities in order, etc… but I found the content to resonate with my unexpected hopes for the book more than my dread of over-used emotional focus. Prioritizing the embodiment of woman, both body and soul, as God’s gift to creation of His own beauty, the Eldredges manage to collaborate in expressing to both men and women something of the vocation which is imparted to we who have been created woman. As my academic and personal interest is relationality, I found the situatedness of the Eldgredges’ discussion of woman’s soul in relation with man refreshing. The ensuing conversation of this little piece is going to involve things I know many are skeptical of—natures, essences, etc. While I do believe these things are impossible to define, I think the Eldgredges are taking an inductive approach to nature… looking at what often happens, and recognizing nature in tendency. Give it a shot. I just had a class today discussing Levinas’ Totality and Infinity, and with the critiques still fresh in my mind, I want to add a disclaimer that what I am going to observe from Captivating is not meant to produce a totality or universality, but to feed into subjectivity.
Starting off by wondering at womanhood itself, Stasi muses through her own thoughts and tose of other women transitioning from girlhood to womanhood, realizing that a young woman is very blessed if she has a mentor for those years of her development. Stereotypes invade our thinking, media infects our self-image, and we struggle to be “confident, scandelous and beautiful, yet not portray (our)self as a feminist Nazi or an insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I be vulnerable without drowning myself in sorrow?” (Captivating 5). There seems to be something so delicate about femininity… a fine balance, like the stereotype of our emotional stability. To be a strong woman, we’re told that our vulnerability in unveiling of the embodied beauty of spirit/self we hold, because being strong is not contingent on our actions other than keeping our heart and aiding in the keeping of our brothers’ hearts. But how can we do that as women unless we are ourselves.
The Eldredges identify our hearts (as it is with men’s hearts) as key to bearing God’s image in a way that blesses others: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4.23. This phrase was interesting… “Your feminine heart was created with the greatest of all possible dignities—as a reflection of God’s own heart.” (pg. 8). With fragile hearts that hardly are willing to believe they’re really created as reflections of the beautiful love God. Its kind of amazing to think that woman, created as that last creation of God… the crown jewel as the Eldredges describe her… “completed” the creation of humanity in the myth of the Creation narrative. Why then, is it such a risk for those of us who hesitate in revealing that beauty that has been created in us? We’re afraid we won’t be found beautiful the way we long to be. Or I am. I said I wasn’t going to present a totality or universal understanding of woman, so I will speak for myself and ask other women to resonate where their hearts are touched. I don’t think the desire I have had, without even understanding the desire, since I was young to be beautiful… comes from any sort of vanity. Beauty does me no good… I love to see people light up and brighten with that light of Jesus… whether they are infused with it by inspiring conversation, excited over something they just heard on the radio or read, or are struck by wonder at something beautiful… art or music, I love to see it. If in any way I can have a hand in the relational threads of life’s web that I come in contact with to bring some more brightness into life, I sparkle inside at the thought of it. Its not about me, nothing to do with whether or not it is truly me bringing that brightness and energy… its about seeing someone become alive. To be with someone and witness the dawning of something good and glorious in their hearts fills me with a thrill of wonder… it is relationally beautiful and amazing.
That brings me to what I have been told again and again by my Dominican brothers is the genius of woman… and what the Eldredge couple deems as the glory of woman’s reflection of God.. relationship. I exist in a very predominantly male world at the moment, so while my perspective is a bit skewed, it is fascinating for me to watch how my interactions as a woman seeking to be a woman, seeking to love my brothers/fathers as a sister/daughter… to learn appropriate openness and find a sharedness in each relationship… how greatly it differs from male interaction. A newcomer to the scene of Religious life in the Catholic Church, I am mesmerized by the relationships I see between the Dominican Brothers and their cloistered sisters. It seems so true that woman fills a place in the heart or inspiration of man… not necessarily in any romantic capacity (though the Genesis interpretation widely circulating through Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body suggests that the nuptial/marital union of man and woman is the most natural means of the mutual inspiration, comfort and relation between the genders), but behind every great man, there really is a strong woman.
What do I understand as a strong woman. Well, that has been very confusing to me throughout my life… at some times, I have thought a strong woman was one who could always be put together, always have a wise word… and then I learned life doesn’t roll like this. Now, I tend to consider strength an ability to submit to peace, something I struggle to do. To recognize with a discerning heart situations that are beyond my control, and submit the care/worry/concern of them to my God and embrace His peace while doing my best in the situation (o how rarely I do this). My housemate can attest to you that I resist sleep, don’t get enough of it, and am always active, always on the run if not entirely knackered or sick. I resist Jesus’ peace because I hide my heart, I am unwilling to be vulnerable… He has revealed this to me through introspection and some stressing situations in which I bore more of the care than I was capable. So… in the process of learning peace. And to learn peace, I have had to first learn something about the kind of strenght I should be cultivating according to my own nature (which has a fiery past, but which most describe not as “passive”)… a quiet presence of mind, a firmness and an ability to draw boundaries where I am uncomfortable without being unkind (another challenge)… and unashamedness to quietly unveil the thoughts and wonderings and care. Hiding care is the most natural thing for introverts live me who are uncertain how much care is too much and how to translate the care in a relatable and comprehensible when hearts don’t have words.
Is that what it means for me to learn how to be beautiful? Not the kind of beauty that one sits back and admires, but one that invites to action. Maybe the beauty itself is not active… have you ever known of someone trying so hard to be beautiful and so utterly failing? This statement caught my attention: “nature is not primarily function. It is primarily beautiful.” (pg. 34) This reiterates the “be vs. do” theme I have heard again and again over this summer. John Eldredge mused on the idea of woman and our desire to hear that others find us beautiful. He replied to his own question, “ The reason a woman wants a beauty to unveil, the reason she asks, Do you delight in me? Is simply that God does as well.” (Pg. 35) Well, that would assume a woman has the courage to ask and acknowledges the desire to hear she is beautiful. I know the feeling I have warming my cheeks when someone tells me something kind, but is this not vanity, a weakness, I wonder? I think this desire in our hearts that can be so simple and so alluring in its purity can also be our greatest weakness and allow us to be easily seduced by flattery. Most of us women can recognize flattery and we’d probabloy admit we’ve listened a little too long in vanity at times. But to hear a praise of beauty spoken, and know it to be true, we can give one of those Roses Corrie ten Boom talked about giving God up to our beloved Jesus in heaven.
So much more time should be spent of discussing what beauty is… its not the Barbie figure (though yes, I have that ingrained in my mind, even from limited media exposure, as I assume more women do…)… it’s a caring heart. I think our real beauty is a genuine, givine care. Unveiling that beauty is a revealing to another that care, and allowing it be revealed to the other for them to experience even when its without expression. It’s a risk of a deep fear that I have, as maybe many women, abandonment by those we love. I think about it sometimes and realize I am so silly: who do I have to abandon me? I am not in some sort of committed relationship with anyone other than Jesus… but maybe its just anyone I care about. I have the kind of heart that finds care easy to give and is afraid to reveal the care because of uncertainty about the “what now” questions… if only Jesus-likeness were so very simple. If beauty is life-giving, if it really does inspire, then it is powerful. Not power like a polemical control or manipulation… but has great sway. And in us, whatever that care which wants to nuture life, give life is, it is delicate enough to need nurturing too. I find it easy to care about others, but not maintain myself enough to have strength to give the care. That is where I need Jesus, to keep being beautiful, so I can keep loving him and learning the truth I heard in Levinas today… that transcence is the new immanence… that there is a closeness in the truth, a presence in the world which I think I’ve been ignoring and looking outside of what is for what is beyond. I don’t think it works that way. Jesus, teach my heart to love through what you’ve put here. I love you, make me love like you.